Feeling 14 and awkward again

My main reason for writing in my blog is to remember things in my life, whether those things are life changing, funny, sad, cute, special (you get the point). Tonight I want to write a letter to my oldest son who went to a birthday party this evening, not just an ordinary birthday party, but an "IT" crowd birthday party. One that made me feel 14 all over again just by dropping him off there.

Dear Robby,
Several days ago you were invited to a birthday party where a young girl you've known since 6th grade was turning 14. You have been worried about whether she wanted you there or not all week, and she did. Though she has a boyfriend, I could tell that her friendship meant a lot to you. You wanted me to help you get ready, help you spike your hair just the right way, you even brushed your teeth, applied deodorant, and put on cologne without me having to ask you to do so 30 times. You looked so handsome. I took you to Walgreen's and together we picked out an appropriate card for a young teenage girl and bought her a gift card for Old Navy. I know you've been to several birthday parties before, but this one was for boys and girls who would be dancing, then watching a movie. I wasn't supposed to pick you up until 11:30!! I thought about you the entire time you were there. I talked to God and prayed that you would feel comfortable, welcome and accepted. I felt like I was 14 again. That awkward age where you still don't know how you want to walk, or talk, or DANCE!! When I picked you up, I sensed a little reservation and lack of excitement. "It was okay," you said. Of course there was a specific young man there who oozes COOLNESS. I laughed with you when you said, "He just walks in all cool, and the girls go crazy, I try to be cool and it hasn't worked for me yet." The part I like most is that you laughed at yourself. Then you went on to say how this young man told a young lady, "...by the end of the night you are going to give me a kiss." You were floored at this statement without me having to tell you to be. I love that you have such respect for each young lady that you meet. As of now, you have not been in a serious relationship and I am so proud of you for that. I told you tonight that one day a woman or young lady will see who you are through your heart and not just through the way you walked in "looking cool". I know with all of my heart that you will be a wonderful man, you are already well on your way. I shared with you tonight about how I was a big dork in 8th grade and you laughed and said, "Well mom, I'm learning from the best." I love that we can talk and laugh together. I know this is such an awkward time in your life. The only way I would understand it any better is to have been a boy myself. But I am able to be there for you and try to explain what a girl with a heart for God will want from a boy. And I know you are that boy. I see so much good in you. Keep your heart in the right place and don't try to be someone that you are not. You are perfect and right just the way God made you. Being "cool" will only get you so far in life, but having a pure heart will open doors to a life that is beyond "cool". A life God has planned for you already. Stay true to yourself and be confident in the man you are turning out to be. I am watching you and though it seems I stay busy with your brother and sisters, I pray for you and want the best for you. I love you son and I want you to know this always. Take your candle, Robby, and go light your world!!!

Love,
Mom